An Unexpected Valentine’s

Now to add what happened on Valentine’s 2009 to my list.

Valentine’s 2009

Unexpectedly good… in a very non-Valentine’s way.

To start the story I need to back up to 2 days before.  The Prince and I talked, argued, cried, fought.  He realized it’s really over, no more denying it, nothing can be done that will make up for all the reasons we are where we are today.  I felt a little better because he was accepting, but I felt worse because he hated me.  I don’t hate him, I do love him but not enough to be married to him.  Sleep that night was almost non-existent.  Friday I was at work, feeling a little better, knowing he was accepting what was going to happen, but still upset that when I got home the person there would rather me not be there.  I called home twice during the day, it went straight to the answering machine.  I was going to run errands that night but I was worried what was going to greet me when I got there.  I walked in, he was there talking to friend while playing a game.  I asked why he didn’t pick up the phone he said he had nothing to say to me.  I went to take a nap as I was exhausted from no sleep the night before.  He was going to dinner with the guys, most of whom we have known for over 20 years. I found out he didn’t drive, I assumed he was planning on drinking and I hoped he would just pass out when he got home.  He got home late and we went to our separate rooms.

At 3:35am, he comes to my door. “You alseep?”

“No”

“Want to talk?”

“About what?”

“Everything”

He got me to go into the Master bedroom and lay down. (I miss that pillow top mattress and my perfect pillow) He said he realized that nothing will change my mind and he could either be a prick about it or accept it and do this the easy way, if there is such a thing.  The night out one of the guys revealed that he and his wife of 14 years are 2 months from having their divorce finalized and he saw his buddy chose to be angry and bitter the whole time.  His friend had also taken to screwing anything he came across as a way to deal with his divorce.  The Prince saw that he could end up the same way and he didn’t like it at all.  He said he would like to keep the house and he wanted me to list out everything I wanted to take with me.  He wants to sit down and figure out how much it would cost to keep this place and if he could do it.  When he found a new job.

Side note: I didn’t blog this but the morning after I asked for the divorce, his company of 10 years laid him off.

I told him I talked to our real estate lawyer and got the name of two lawyers and I was going to call one Monday morning and make an appointment.  I told him if he wasn’t going to fight me on this we don’t need two lawyers getting rich off of us and he agreed.  We talked, in the dark, laying in ‘our’ bed with a cat between us, talked out logistic stuff, a little financial stuff and cried a bit.  I slept in that bed the rest of the night, more like passed out I was so very tired.

In the morning we had to get up and go to my parents.  He asked me if we could avoid talking about the divorce for the day, he is still getting his head around it, I agreed.  Also our families don’t know yet and today was not the day to drop the bomb on them.  We were going to my parents’ house to get my niece and spend the day with her, as promised for her birthday 3 weeks earlier.  We had a good day with her, she exhausted us both.  We came home and instead of going to our separate computers, which we were both too tired to do, we watched a movie (‘Zach and Miri” even though they sanitized the title for the video shelves, it’s a good movie, of course it is, it’s a Kevin Smith movie)  ate popcorn, and I started knitting him a hat for the St. Patrick’s Day parade he’s marching in.  I think because I am still willing to knit that hat for him and I never raised my voice at him or did anything out of anger and hatred he knows I still love him and care for him but I need this so I can love myself again.

I know there are many more steps to take, but he isn’t going to fight me.  When it comes to possessions, they are just things.  What’s important is moving on and starting over.  I hope to meet with the lawyer this week, find out the steps we need to take in this state and get the ball rolling.

Next weekend I will be out of town visiting a friend who I need to see more often, it’s been over a year and she’s been the support and encouragement and occasionally an annoying pit bull helping me push through and not lose my focus.  He will be seeing a large portion of our friends, mostly his friends, the guys we went to high school with.  They remained friends with him for over 25 years.  So all of them and their wives will be there.  He told me about this gathering and I slipped and said “Will you tell them?” and corrected myself quickly with “I mean Will you be going?” (I was trying to honor his request not to bring it up during the day with the niece) He said “Yes and Yes”.  I’m sure I’m losing a few friends once he says it, and a few will try to keep in contact with me but since they don’t talk to me normally, I know that won’t last long.

So Monday morning when asked “What did you do for Valentine’s?” I will answer “Agreed on our divorce” I love making people uncomfortable.

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